just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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