Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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