also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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