I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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