Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
