I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
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you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
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I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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