She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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