Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
