you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
