theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
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You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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