I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
