Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
