You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
