it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
high people should be assigned attendants
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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