oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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