i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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