You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i drank out of a bidet.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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