Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
