i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
