If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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