porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Randomize
