you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
