Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
