so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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