Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
