Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
