I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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