I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
