God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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