WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
