I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
