mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
