it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
