someone get that fucking seahorse.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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