best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
