Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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