wakey wakey hands off snakey
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
