Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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