Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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