I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
