As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Houston, we have a squirter
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
