There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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