he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
