I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are out for the taking
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize