Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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