My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
