i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
