ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
