No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
