***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
