If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
