Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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