2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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