Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i think we sleep fucked last night...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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