I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
