can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
