So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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