you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
