Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
