Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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