seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
