did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I love you.
Bad choice
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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