Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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