he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
