yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
