Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
