Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
