You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
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He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
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You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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