I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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