I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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