Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I fill condoms, not promises.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm always down for nudity.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
