I puked a lego.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
