Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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