grandma shit on top of the toilet
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
