Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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