Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
