If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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