I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
