i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
