a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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