wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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