He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
