I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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