You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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