In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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