Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
