My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
