that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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