I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
