I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
