now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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