look no pants
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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